two sides of the coin

when you thought u have lived so much of life,

tasted the best of both worlds,

you start to wonder what is left in that vast unventured territory.

the curious mind ponders of the what ifs once again.

it's restless, to the mind as much as pushing the limits of your faith.

no point reminiscing the past, of the naivety you once hold,

as they are tainted, as much as we want to deny,

they are polluted by your experiences, your choices, and most of all your mistakes,

are all coming back in torrents, waving back at you like your identical twin,

familiar yet so distant.

you think that being cynical is fun, but it's tormenting really,

to say not what the heart feels, but of what the worlds wants to hear.

Seriously, i bet everyone longs for simplicity and yet life holds nothing but.

Love is pure when it stands alone, but when all your life you are searching ,

and yearning for that moment of truth, you have loved and get nothing in return.

And so, you start to give and demand to get in return,

more and more you start to ask until it torments everyone around you,

and it eats you from within, you trust not even yourself.

I guess it will be tough for everyone, including myself,

in this life-long search for that identity when the coin has two sides,

when there is heaven and hell, when everything your life has brought you to believe,

could be the opposite of how it seemed.

scary? well there is no wrong or right, if that's any consolation.

only your identity for you to hold on to, which in the end, i can call it mine.

babble

it has been sometime since my last entry. 

life has been a roller-coaster ride, each moment passing by unknowingly.

unknowingly to the mind, but nonetheless physically draining.

when the mind is idle, it keeps swirling like it's a dream.

i sleep to keep myself sane, and sometimes are thankful when work overwhelms me.

He says it's all in me. Undoubtedly i guess he is right.

Poisoned by the roots of evil . Blurring the lines of black and white.

So they say, a writer needs drama, i wonder how far it's true.

I never write, anymore when it's all good.

Perhaps deep inside i yearn for this, when things are smooth-sailing,

there's nothing worthy of writing.

Perhaps i created all these, fabricating all these dark moments.

So that i could write, from within my bones.

Between two extremes, i could write a book if i wish.

But i guess you could see, from the fragments of my writings,

my mind is scattered, decomposed, without a storyline.

my attention span lasts no longer than 5 sentence and it scatters away.

It's been a long time since i felt proud of myself,

I had a dream this afternoon, a scary moment but it felt so real.

To those who knows me, knows im a true devil and angel.

sometimes the other overwhelms the latter, and vice versa.

the transition is scary, to me and to people surrounding me.

the pain is throbbing, to you i know.

to see me sitting on the fence, you don't deserve this,

tormenting your mind, inflicting pain to your fragility.

till i have found my purpose in life, i then will wake up with a smile

and thinking all these makes it all worthwhile.

“Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away” - carrie bradshaw